The Outdoors

While I was peeing in the forest, I looked up and saw the tree branches above me swaying and then let out a deep sigh. I was at peace... After I was done and did my two shakes, I took a picture to remember the moment.

Mt. Fuji

Koichi (on the way to Mt. Fuji)

Day 69: Wednesday, May 18, 2011

After I woke up, I did my daily post on T.B., and then got my negatives in the mail. There were so many funny photos, I kept laughing and bothering Ian, who was working on the balcony, to see come see it. After the second time of calling him over, he gave me a look and said, “I’m sorry, but I’m busy,” in a serious tone. I was quiet for the rest of the time...

Afterwards I decided to head over to the supermarket to buy groceries for lunch. While waiting in the checkout line, I realized that since Yuki’s mom came, there really has been a difference because I started buying vegetables and healthy foods and have been cooking more often. When I got home, I made Ian lunch because I knew he would forget to eat, and then he would be in a bad mood. When I was done, I went up to tell him, but he was on the phone looking scary again, so I went back downstairs and ate lunch alone. When he was finished, Ian came down, apologized, and thanked me for the food. He said the reason why he was frustrated was because he got an email this morning from someone who claimed that he had ripped off an illustration and was demanding money or he was going to sue. Ian told me the actual person who had ripped the guy off was Ian’s old classmate, who Ian had mistakenly hired to help him out for one of his graphic design projects without knowing how shady the person really was, but since the project was under his name, he was responsible. Anyways Ian said he had written the man back and apologized as well as offered the guy more money than he requested to settle the matter. We chatted some more while Ian ate, and I told him the big change in my outlook these days... Unfortunately, Ian said he had become more irritable lately... I couldn’t help but think that maybe I had passed it off to him.

In the evening, while I was watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Ian came home at the climax (actually it was the climax of the second to last episode, so it was even more intense and important than most), and he kept making a lot of noise, which made it hard for me to concentrate. Then he sat down on the sofa next to me and since he didn’t know what was going on, he made comments like, “Hmmm… There are a lot of emo pauses in Terminator, aren’t there…?” I just grunted in response and tried to block him out mentally as best I could.

After it was over, I went upstairs and apologized to Ian for being rude. He then told me that the real reason why he was so grumpy and irritable today was because he had found out that his close friend from back home was dying... She was diagnosed with cancer yesterday and it had already spread throughout her body so we talked and brooded over that; and then from there, we fell into an emo-spiral jumping to subjects like our parents getting older and what we would do when they are no longer able take care of themselves; and all the other shit you talk about when you think about mortality.

Right after we were done, Yuki came home. Ian didn’t tell her the news, but said he had made me feel down… Yuki came over looking concerned. I pointed to Ian and told her that it was actually him who was depressed… She looked confused, which was understandable. I realized then that Ian didn’t want to tell her yet, so we changed the subject to something brighter, which was about how awesome her mom was and how we missed her.

Later when I was on my computer with my back turned to Ian, he said, “Good word… en-nu-why.” I turned and realized that he was referring to the word ennui because he was looking at my post from yesterday on T.B. about happiness. I told him that he had pronounced it wrong. “It’s en-nu-ee,” I said. We argued for about a minute, and then he checked on the internet and said that we were both wrong... I told him to click the button for the sound option, and then, in a female computer voice – almost like in Terminator- said:

Enn-wee

We both laughed because the real way sounded so stupid.

Butterflies and Cockroaches

Today I followed a butterfly flying above me down the street on my skateboard. The photos I took while we were both moving will probably not come out though since it was so small that my camera had a hard time focusing…

I’ve noticed recently that I’ve been taking a lot of stupid things these days but, in a way, stupid things will occasionally lead to something better or, at least, unexpected… My photos have been getting sloppier and sloppier and more chaotic since the beginning of Talking Barnacles, but I like where it is going... because life is like that.

I used to strive to take the perfect picture and occasionally I was able to... about three times a year, but what I eventually found out was that perfect pictures are actually fucking boring because they are just that – perfect- and there is nothing else to comment upon- people see them, automactically think “Oh, that’s pretty”, and then move on... There is no room for flexibility for seeing things differently.

But like people, if there is a flaw, it is something you can hold onto and remember, whether it's good, charming, or terrible... and that in a way defines, at least for people, who we are and reveals the most about us… and that’s the beauty of it. I remember when I was a student in college, there was a substitute teacher who had a sixth finger protruding out of his pinky; and I’m sure that because of the freakishness of his finger, it eventually led him to raise a tank full of cockroaches in his office on the 7th floor of our building, which was really disgusting to see in person… but the cockroaches and his finger were also so strange and uniquely awesome that I could have never imagined something like that on my own… which is also why he is the only teacher that I remember fondly or with any excitement at all.